The Truth About Mother’s Day

This Mother’s Day has been a fun one for me. It began on Friday when my son’s preschool hosted a Muffins with Mom day. The school did a great job, from the sunflower backdrop photo booth to the giant strawberries they served alongside the mini muffins. My son also did a great job reciting his poem, painting his handprint artwork, and dictating his note which read that he loves me “because I play Loopin’ Louie and MarioKart” with him. The note was cute, although slightly convicting because I’m sure I don’t do either of those things nearly enough.

Today, I woke up on Mother’s Day doing the mom things. I opened my eyes to the baby making noise and kicking her feet. As I nursed her, I realized my boys were already up, busy illustrating their own adventure books. I prepared one of my favorite breakfast spreads – scrambled eggs, sourdough pancakes, bacon, fruit, and a matcha latte. We all thoroughly enjoyed it, and it was a great start to the day.

After the calm of breakfast came the storm of scrambling to get to church on time. We made it, but barely. My dad always says “You’ll be blessed because you came”, and once again, he was right. A Sunday service is always worth the frenzy it takes to get out the door.

After a quick playdate lunch at home, my husband gave me the sweetest gift of an afternoon off. I love any opportunity to rest and reflect.

MOTHER’S DAY CAN BE HARD

If you’re anything like me, Mother’s Day has not always been an easy day for you. Maybe you don’t talk to your mother, or you are longing to be a mother. Perhaps you are missing a dear child, or you are feeling tired, lonely, or degraded in your motherhood.

In my case, my mother received a cancer diagnosis during my honeymoon, and passed away only two short months after my wedding day.

I found myself at 22 years old in a new part of the country, as a new bride who was completely removed from anyone familiar. And my mom – my lifeline, my sounding board, my biggest fan – was gone.

My heart sure did ache on that first Mother’s Day without her.

FACING GRIEF DURING MOTHER’S DAY

I recall the sting of sitting in a church service where a cheery Mother’s Day video played on the big screen. It was a sweet video of a mother holding the hand of her precious little daughter, as they frolic through a field of lavender, a voiceover saying how amazing mothers are. I could feel my heart sink.

I felt guilty for hating the sweet Mother’s Day video, but I couldn’t deny that my heart was just so raw.

BATTLING INFERTILITY DURING MOTHER’S DAY

Fast forward to my first full year married. I quickly learned that it wasn’t going to be easy for me to get pregnant. Mother’s Day was not only going to be difficult because I lost my own mother, but because the only baby I had carried up until that point had resulted in a miscarriage.

If you’ve lost your mother or if you find yourself with empty arms this year, my heart goes out to you. I know this day can be so hard as everything around you seems to be pointing to your broken heart. Sometimes that weight can feel like too much to bear.

A RESTORED PERSPECTIVE

Perhaps you dread Mother’s Day as I did. Years of brutal Mother’s Days went by before and I finally recognized that a perspective shift was in order. My mother was not coming back, and I had no way of knowing if babies would be in my future. I decided to view Mother’s Day differently – I would now see it as a day where I’d count my blessings and thank God.

Instead of a heart that grieved over what was lost, God gave me a heart of gratitude.

FOCUS ON THE BLESSINGS

As I looked around me, I saw my precious mother-in-law, I saw my dad’s beautiful new bride, and I saw various mentors that God gave me along the way. I decided that this Mother’s Day would be a Mother’s Day where I would think of these women and focus on the blessings that they are. And I’m not just saying that – these are some seriously strong, loving, and amazing women in my life!

My focus was off of my own situation, and onto my appreciation for the “mothers” in my life.

GRATITUDE DESPITE THE PAIN

Now here we are, another Mother’s Day. Yes, I absolutely still cry every time the old hymn, “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” is sung in church – I swear I can hear my mom’s voice in the crowd. And yes, my heart gets pricked a bit whenever I think of those two babies that I didn’t get to hold on this side of heaven. But now, here I am, by the grace of God, holding my third baby, as the older two run and play before me.

I feel truly grateful and undeserving of the miracles God has entrusted me with.

TO THE MOTHER WHO DOESN’T FEEL CELEBRATED

For some mothers, even those with a crew of happy healthy kids, Mother’s Day can feel like a weight on your shoulders. In chatting with many mom friends through the years, I have concluded that a lot of us have felt down by those we love on Mother’s Day.

DON’T LET EXPECTATIONS RUIN YOUR DAY

I learned a few years into marriage that if I want to celebrate something, the best thing I can do is communicate with my husband. If I want flowers, breakfast in bed, a restaurant reservation, or a break from the kids for one hour so that I can take a long-awaited bubble bath – I tell my husband. We’re both tired and it just never goes well for me if I expect him to be a mind-reader.

At the end of the day, I can either go to bed angry and bitter that everyone in my family didn’t go out of their way to serve me, or I can have a day that was well-celebrated as hoped.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

Whatever situation you find yourself in, I hope that this day is a lovely one for you.